March 22nd - 28th

March 22nd - 28th

March Madness is coming to an end!  Thank God!

Okay I meant to put this picture in last week, but I forgot to upload it.  I guess it's kind of funny that I just said thank God and then put a picture of the cathedral...Or maybe it's not...

Sunday

I really hate March.  Wait, can I just say that again?  I really hate March.  In like a lion and out like a lamb, as a friend pointed out.  I just want a vacation...a real one.  Not 4 weeks of research disguised as a "holiday".  Can it just be July?  Even in July I'll have so much to do.  It'd be so much easier if I were in the states at this time of ultimate stress where I could at least have access to comforting things.  I miss my bed.  I hate to bitch about my stupid effing mattress here, but it's killing me.  I went to see an osteopath but it's so expensive.  

And I keep thinking, "Oh if I were home I'd get to...." or "If I were home I'd have..." It sounds stupid, but if I were home at least I'd be able to make my own food...or I'd have the luxury of watching TV (it's bizarre enough to think of TV as a luxury).  Not to mention - I miss being around for basketball season especially with its the crazy adoring UCONN fans going nuts over the Big East (read: my father).  I don't think I've even seen a basketball since I've been here.  And I miss fajita night with my family...it's random but I do.  They kill me every time they show me what they're having for dinner now.  It used to be cute and almost laughable for them to wave a plate of pasta in front of the webcam, but now it's just painful.  I miss food.  

I really thought I'd get up and go to Bikram but I decided that because it's my first weekend of break I'd sleep in.  Then I got up and went to Bikram at 3pm instead.  So addicting.  

For those who couldn't care less, keep on scrolling.  Just talking about yoga.  This site is pretty good for explaining about what it is: Bikram and What is Bikram?

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BIKRAM CHALLENGE DAY 3:

It was cold out, which I was actually okay with because that meant that my body took longer to warm up.  (Translation: I didn't feel like I was going to die from the first minute I got there.)  Also, there weren't many people there which meant less of my precious oxygen would be sucked up by others.  I thought not eating beforehand would be a bad idea because that meant that I would not have the energy to last for 90 minutes, but actually I did better than I had yesterday!  I got through the standing postures like an ace, then took 15 minutes to lie on my mat and not move (sometimes much harder than doing the postures).  Then I got back in it for the last 15 minutes of seated postures.  I only skipped about five postures this time, which was much better than the day before.  I found out that you burn about 500 calories in one 90 minute session, which is way more than I'd burn at the gym on the elliptical.  I think I'll still go to the gym to do some strength training and maybe swim.  

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Also: I miss James already and he's only been gone a day!  

Monday

Again, I planned to get up at the god-awful hour of 6am for a Bikram session before my meeting with Katerina, but when my alarm went off I laughed and went back to sleep.  I had a rough night sleeping last night though.  My mattress is useless and I'm worried about it screwing up my back.  I also had weird dreams about being underwater (Could they be from feeling drowned in sweat at Bikram...?) so I was up every three hours or so.  Why do I always check my email when I get up in the middle of the night?  Who am I expecting to email me at 4am?!  Anyway, I was on the computer doing work before I went to bed, so my mind was buzzing with research and the essay, among other distracting things...  

I met with the boss lady around noon and we went to the Hampstead cafe to have a chat.  She bought me a green tea and looked at the new and improved version of my essay (draft #496) and said that she really liked it but that I need to restructure things.  She was so generous to go through the first six pages or so and make corrections and ask me questions.  She told me she was happy with the changes I'd made and support I'd added in.  She loves the pedagogical angle I'm taking and said if I'd turned my paper in as is right then it'd be low 60's (equivalent to about a B-) but that because I'm doing another draft taking on board her help that she thinks it will be high 60's, low 70's (P.S. a 70 is an A).  I got a 68 on my last paper, and I hated that paper.  But now I love this paper and I'm hoping to land an A.   

Let me preface this story with a bit about my course leader.  She is the biggest fitness nut I know, who, if I haven't mentioned this already: runs 12K a day, does about an hour of yoga every morning and doesn't eat processed sugar (read: no chocolate...there's no sanity in that concept).  So I tell her today after our meeting, as she's asking about what I'm doing over break, that I'm doing Bikram.  She is so impressed and then says quite nonchalantly (I kid you not): "Aw, that's great Miss, you'll lose that weight in no time!"  Um.....quoi?  Sorry, I was unaware that I was obese...I mean, granted, she has a point - I do need to get in shape, but really...of all the subtle ways she could have said that...  I can be really hard on myself...and she knows that.  Why make it worse?  But I know Bikram will kick my ass.  So I happily await results and warm weather.  And no, I'm not giving up chocolate.  

I talked to Kate afterwards on the phone and I just have to say, I'm so glad she's not going home to Ireland for the break.  I know we're going to be a great support for each other with the phonetics and Research Methods stuff.  She's really wonderful - I don't know what I'd do without her.  She laughed hysterically about what Katerina said about me losing weight, as she knows that Katerina can be a bit of a crazy when it comes to health and food and everything.  

Two random things that happened today in my procrastination, or I guess I should use my favorite euphemism for procrastination - "break": 

  1) I took a quiz on the dreaded facebook called "Where should you be living?" ...it told me San Francisco.  Um, what?  It told me I was a hippie artist who needed to be surrounded by culture and laid back people.  Oy.  I just looked down and saw I was wearing a Bikram tank top and beads though, so maybe they're right.  Hah.  I could never do without my winters though.  Every Christmas should be covered in snow.  That's just how it should be.  

  2) I checked the myspace music page (of Tim and me) and saw that 1,247 people had listened to our covers.  What's more - there were 5 plays today.  This blows my mind.  First, because to be honest - it's pretty amateur.  I mean, 2 of the songs are played on an out of tune piano (you can really tell on Sleep).  Second, because frankly, who's listening to us!?!  Ah, well, in case you wanted to be #1,248, here ya go: The Me of Me and the You of You  

I had been thinking about what songs I wanted us to cover in July (really cutting it close with me only being there for like - one day but it must be done and chances are it will be done at like 3am next to the bonfire).  I wonder if I can teach myself the piano part to some of the songs on my wish list.  Tim is so optimistic about our musical capabilities, especially in being able to cover difficult songs.  But this is probably because he's actually good at playing!  I just sing and pretend to play piano and guitar sometimes.  I won't ruin the surprise of what songs we're doing...you'll have to wait until July!!  

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BIKRAM CHALLENGE DAY 4:

I went to the 5pm session.  It was rainy and cold today though.  Boo.  I got there really early so I sat and read my Twyla Tharp book for a while.  Then I went in, changed into my yoga gear and found a place.  About 30 people were in the class.  I was standing next to a guy who was clearly an advanced student.  Seeing him stay focused and not fidget to wipe sweat or itch or move in between the postures was inspiring me to do the same.  It's not about looking good in class, that's for sure.  It requires so much focus, peace and almost a militant commitment to the work.  You do the best you can in each posture and then stand or lie completely still in between.  That yin and yang, I suppose.  I found that I was actually okay with the heat, and I was breathing easier.  Is it possible that I even enjoyed sweating??  I asked my mom and sister on Skype if they thought that was normal and my mom couldn't keep from laughing.  Okay, so maybe it's not normal, but there is something very cleansing and self-satisfying about staying so committed to the work.  (Oh man, I've already called it "the work" I am turning into that hippie voice teacher!)  I am starting to understand why yoga is so imperative for anyone who needs to find stability physically, mentally - and I hope to eventually find it emotionally as well.  That's where the research comes in I guess.

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I had an amazing dinner that I have every intention of recreating when I get home: a large dark green salad with broccoli, green beans and goats cheese with a sun dried tomato dressing, couscous with grilled peppers and topped with a little hummus, (Adrianne is drooling at this point I'm sure) and pita bread.  Then I had pomegranate for dessert (and one piece of late night chocolate).  I have a feeling this phase of healthy eating will not last, but I'm enjoying it for the time being.  

I relished in the fact that I am on break today by doing no work on my essay, but plan to spend all of tomorrow reconfiguring it to Katerina's suggestions.  I am more excited about it now (such a geek) and it's giving me a ton of ideas about my portfolio.  So has Bikram.  I started to talk to my mom about my ideas, but realized they weren't totally coherent thoughts yet, so I think I just talked myself in circles.  I need to ruminate about it and do some more research.  

Tuesday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!  The old man is 51!  I wish I were home to go out to dinner and do the usual family birthday festivities.  

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BIKRAM CHALLENGE DAY 5: No morning Bikram, it's just not an option when I don't have to be awake earlier than 9am.  I worked diligently on my essay for about five hours and then went to Bikram to clear my mind (and you know...sweat my face off).  There were only about ten people in the class, which is ideal, and I got through all of the poses again.  I found it was easier to go deeper and hold the balancing postures for longer.  I stayed much more still in between the postures and was happy with my progress.  The instructor spoke with me after class (this was my second session with this woman) and she said she remembered me and that I was doing well.  I don't know if that was true or not, but it felt nice to hear that I was doing okay.

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Bikram Yoga West - in Kilburn.  I have a love/hate relationship with this place.

I've tried a lot of new foods since I've been here including (but certainly not limited to): Moroccan, Lebanese, goat's cheese, haloumi, many different kinds of wine, spirulina, goji berries, different kinds of hummus, scones, English pudding, proper English tea, German chocolate, an array of English biscuits and cakes (not really a fan), fresh mango, and most recently pomegranate.  The pomegranate, I have to admit, is the most beautiful and delicious fruit I've ever had.  Mango comes in a close second.  For her EVP 2, Tara (on my course, not my tutor who I'm scared of) did a piece about pomegranates because her theme was home and this was a part of her childhood...it was such a beautiful piece I had to try it for myself.  I knew what the seeds looked like, but I'd never had the pleasure of cutting into one and digging them out for myself.  

  

Pics are for Adrianne :)

Note:  I'm not sure I like having this much time to myself to think.  I must sound crazy.  I mean, I'm taking pictures of fruit...Also, I'm sending emails all day like it's my job.  Why can't I remember what I used to do with my free time?  

The essay is ALMOST done (for crying out loud)...everything is there now, but I'm about 1,000 words over the word count.  Patience.

Wednesday

Okay, sleep is virtually impossible.  All I can think about is this essay and Bikram and other distracting things.  I am tired and in the library, but at least I've only got about 25 words to cut out of the essay.  I swear, if I don't get at least a 70 on this it'll feel like such a waste.  I have just slaved over it for the last two weeks...and it's good.  I just still don't know if it's what Katerina wants.  

Today is rainy, but then sunny, but wait - rainy...and now sunshine again.  Until this essay is done (tomorrow!) I feel about as bipolar as London weather.  

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BIKRAM CHALLENGE DAY 6:  This post shall be entitled and dedicated to: The Nature Guy.  The instructor today was a man completely covered in tattoos of leaves and vines all over his shoulders and back.  He's actually pretty famous in the yoga world.  I should point out that I was running on very, very little sleep with lots of current mental hang ups about this essay, distractions about things I have no control over, etc.  I knew right as I walked in that it was not going to be an easy class because it was it hotter than I've ever felt and what's more - I was feeling anxious.  Okay, I can deal usually find a way to deal with anxiety, but under such conditions as this I knew I was treading on thin ice.  Regardless, the masochist in me decided 90 minutes in 110 degree heat would be good for building character, strength, balance, and so on.  

In the beginning of the class they ask who's in their first 10-15 classes, who's in their first class, and if there are any injuries.  I tell him that my knees are dodgy and on we went - into the black hole of Bikram and anxiety.  Great.  I get through all of the standing poses and my heart rate is elevated, but I am starting to feel annoyed.  Annoyed is the only word that seems to describe how disgusting I feel.  Every bead of sweat annoys me, every single balanced lithe body in that room annoys me...and most of all this man with his jungle tattoos happily telling me to hold a pose for longer than my body is capable of - annoys me.  So when I got to the seated postures, which in my opinion are far more difficult than the standing ones, I was brimming with frustration.  Don't look at me, don't breathe on me, don't even think about me.  I'm sorry, but I'm on the best voice studies course in the world and I think they knew what they're talking about when they told us that if you collapse the throat on purpose, you are crushing your larynx.  You cannot breathe properly.  That's a fact.  That's a cold, hard anatomical fact, my friend.  So don't tell me that I'm not tucking my chin down enough to put my head on my sweaty knee cap because God-forbid I don't want to screw up my voice by crushing my larynx.  And it's 110 degrees in here, I can't breathe.  This guy can read me like a book.   I am giving him such a lethal death stare.  You know, I'm only trying to make a career out of finding effective use of the voice, so don't wave your Bikram Choundry throat compression hoo-hah at me, buddy.  Whoa, annoyance tenfold.  I am officially a righteous voice teacher.  Kristin Linklater, eat your heart out.  

Pouting, I sit on my mat drinking my water as everyone else is doing the back strengthening poses.  I'm just so friggen smug and in my head saying, "Oh, screw this, who in their right mind would do this everyday?"  Oh wait, I would.  Then out of nowhere the real anxiety comes over me like a wave and I can't tell whether it's tears or sweat pouring down my face.  I lie down.  The Nature Man says, to the entire class (but I'm sure he saw how upset I was) - "Whatever the postures may be bringing up for you, just breathe out whatever is coming up.  Remind yourself why you came here in the first place.  Let your inner mantra be: 'I love the way I feel when the class is over' and just repeat it to yourself.  Remind yourself why you're here."  The Nature Man is right.  Suddenly, I am back on top of it.  This man is the Richard Simmons to my inner fat chick.  Suddenly, I am clinging to his every word.  He's telling us to push ourselves and I'm hitting the poses like a champ.  You want my forehead to my knee?  How about forehead to shins.  Chew on that, Nature Man.  Water?  Who needs water in 110 degree heat?  Not I, said my inner fat chick.  

A million thoughts are racing through my head.  I am realizing I need to, no I have to interview the Nature Man.  Hell, this guy could be my guru for all I know.  Namaste.  

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I got an email from Thom (my very first voice teacher and mentor) and at the end he wrote:  

You are in that period where time only accelerates.  There is so much to do and it's all so important.  As it all streams by, keep asking yourself, "What's important?"  Every time you grasp the brass ring, you're suddenly aware that there's a nicer carousel right next door.  There'll always be another.  Which one you gonna ride?

Reminded me of this picture from Brighton.

I had pomegranate on the way home and when I got home I ate my salad, pita, hummus and couscous (it's a phase, like I said).  I relaxed and watched some BBC iPlayer (my only source of simulated television entertainment) and put the finishing touches on the dreaded essay.

Thursday

Migraine.  Incapacitated for most of the day.  Finally caved and booked an appointment with a GP for next Monday to get it sorted out.  I'm at my ropes end with it.  I haven't felt like myself all term, so I hope some changes can be made...

Exhausted and coming down with something.  Could be the weather changing, or as the yogis at Bikram would tell me it's the "toxins exiting the body".  Whatever, it's a cold, man.  

Friday

Slept miserably until about 9am then showered and went to school to print out the essay and turn it in.  We have to turn it in to the Course Support Office that has you fill out a sheet with your name, and the exact time you dropped it off.  Then they sign off on it and give you a slip.  The Golden Ticket.  I am free.  Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially on vacation.  Sigh.  

Wait...what do I do now?  I can't remember.  

What do I end up doing?  I decide that, seeing as I've got no agenda now, I'll sit in the library and do research.  Then after about 20 minutes of staring blankly at a book I have no desire reading I think, Screw this.  I'm taking the day off.  Then I got home and "taking the day off" turns into taking a 3 hour nap of all naps at 3pm and followed by a horrible dinner at Nutford that made me wish I'd never woken up in time for it.  Um, can Jen be here now and feed me?  P.S. Jen says she wants me to send her three sample itineraries of what we're doing when she gets here so she can choose the one she likes the most.  Right...

I am so bored.  Kate called and scolded me for not having the "ability to practice the art of doing nothing."  I just feel like I'm wasting time...I even feel guilty about my nap today.  How sad is that?  Kate's got her mother and stepfather visiting, James is in Portsmouth, Alex is in Australia and everyone else I could call is either out of the country or with family...I try to practice the art of doing nothing by watching movies and later reading books that I wouldn't normally get the chance to during the term.  This is only mildly entertaining.  It's not like I could go out anyway, I'm so sick.  Stupid cold.  

I promise myself to at least try to play piano sometime next week and reconnect to my thoroughly neglected artsy side.  

Saturday

This cold sucks.  I can't get any sleep.  Consequently, I have no motivation to do anything.  This is how I felt when Tim left in January.  I just wanted to sleep all the time.  I feel miserable.  I'm forcing myself to go to Bikram today, desperate for some endorphins and hopefully tucker myself out enough to get a good night's sleep.  Jenny, from home, who's at Oxford, is supposed to come into the city today.  I'm supposed to have dinner with her at 6pm at GBK (love it).  

BIKRAM CHALLENGE DAY 7:

Okay, I skipped two days because I was ill.  I got through all of the standing postures and some of the back strengthening (about an hour and ten minutes) and then my vision was blurry and I could feel a migraine coming on.  I left immediately, knowing the wrath of my migraines.  Maybe I'm not eating well enough.  I know I'm not sleeping enough.  I really have no idea.  I can't wait to get this sorted with my GP on Monday.  Enough is enough.  I showered and came home.  

It hailed and rained as soon as I got back.  Strange.  Then I got ready to meet Jenny for dinner.  Jenny was about 20 minutes late so I read Twyla.  When she did show up it was like no time had passed, which was nice...I figured it could go either way as we'd been in the UK since October and this was the first time we were seeing each other.  First thing I noticed was that she'd developed an accent (I'm a voice teacher, voice is the first thing I notice period) but I didn't say anything.  We had chicken burgers at GBK and walked down to Oxford Circus after.  I wore the boots Kate gave me...my feet hurt.  

We met up with her friends from BU who were studying in Madrid and had come to London for the weekend.  We went to a few pubs, but all of them were packed.  We finally settled on one pub I really like called Shakespeare's Head on Carnaby Street.  They were juniors and all were incredibly nice.  I couldn't get over how nice they were.  One of them knew Chris Rahusen.  Small world.  And Jenny's friend pointed out that Jenny had developed an accent.  Haha.  I coached her back out of it as much as I could.  We stayed til the pub closed and then I walked them back to Marble Arch where Jenny was catching a coach bus back to Oxford and the girls were getting a cab back to Kensington.  

Burger heaven.

CT reunited in the UK.

BU comes to London, plus me.